The Will
by Madoushi-Clef
Summary: I sense Krad in the back of my mind. He's asleep, exhausted, amused, irritated, but alive. If you could call him that. Now... now he's just a snack.


Disclaimer: They aren't mine. I'm just borrowing them.

Eherm... From what I can tell, this is ooc, even if I don't want it to be. We're only up to manga 6 so... shrugs it's the author's call. I wondered if Satoshi really had any 'love' in him (as so many of us wish...), and this was the answer I gave myself. It didn't want to follow any of my plots, therefore, it's very weird. Warnings for shonen-ai (boyxboy love), a fantasy writer's take on the world they live in, and what magic is like.  
Also, I wrote this when I was feeling very... umm... depressed (most easily spotted when Satoshi comes to his apartment). So it's not a happy story. Um, yeah...

* * *

The Will

"Hi-Hiwatari-kun." He speaks my name the same way every time, hesitantly, almost fearful. I am left to wonder if I do scare him. I am his opposite, his enemy.

"Niwa-kun." My voice rolls out calm and unwavering. I neutrally gaze over the new situation he has gotten into.

The younger Harada twin twists her long cherry-chocolate hair around her finger. She blushes furiously, avoiding my gaze.

I turn to leave them. I do not want to see the outcome of either's advances. I do not want to be sure that Niwa -I do not want to know. I dismiss my thoughts with that.

School hardly carries my attention. Today seems no different. I find nothing to distract me from thoughts. My plans, enigmas, paradoxes surround me. I know I will never be free from them until I reach my grave.

Dark.

My first and foremost thought.

I must capture him. But how can I if that will imprison Niwa? I cannot hurt Niwa. I have an agreement. But how can I separate the two? I can lock Dark away but Dai—Niwa. I remind myself. Only Niwa would be left. Should he marry a Harada and bare children I would have to as well, wouldn't I? Or should I let it end with the two of us? Could I do that? Could I take a thousand years of history and throw it to the wind? There was a reason Hikari Toshihiko cursed Dark's soul. Who am I to refuse my ancestors?

_Satoshi-sama_

Shut up, Krad.

_Satoshi-sama, what are you thinking? Seppuku?_ the blonde crooned to me. His voice is soft and low, like a mother giving her child a lesson. _No, not you. But you're thinking of giving up. I won't let you. You can't. Toshi-sama would never forgive me for failing, for **you** failing._

Shut up, Krad.

_I know how to separate the two_, he offers quietly. _But you haven't the power. Let me do the incantation._

Persistent little bastard, I think. Sometimes I wonder if anything he ever says is true. To him I replied, let **you** separate Niwa from one of his sources of power? You insult me.

_Satoshi-sama_ His voice is barely a whisper.

I swear I feel his breath on my ear. A faint sensation of fingers brushes against my neck and I fight to suppress the small noises that bubble up in my throat.

_Don't do this to yourself. Let me take care of it. You're tired, worn. You're whole life has been building up to this and it's just too much for you. I'll take care of you. I always said I would. Don't you trust me?_

Before I can give him the obvious answer there, a gasp from the rows to my right draws my attention. I turn to see the class staring at Niwa and him staring at me. The red-head has gone very pale with his mouth hanging open oh-so-slightly. Parted just enough, that if I were alone with him...

"Niwa-san." Our sensei calls his attention. "What's wrong?"

"Eh?" He whips his head towards the sensei for almost a second before looking back at me. "Nothing, I'm fine." He sounds unsure of himself, a bit confused. He stares at me long enough that the sensei asks me the same question.

I gaze at him and nod faintly. I hear Saehara mutter under his breath that Niwa has lost it. I manage to keep the smile off my face; I am not quite sure how. Sensei resumes his lesson, but Niwa constantly glances in my direction. I do not know why. It bothers me. Each time I catch his gaze, he blushes furiously. Dispite this embaressment, Niwa continues to stare at me throughout the day.

I wonder if perhaps he saw Krad's image behind me. That bastard has enough power to transcend my barriers. Oh, my shielding is stronger than most. I can block and bind Guardians, minor demons, and weak Herald Calls, but not Krad. Somehow, not him, not when it matters most. Not that it matters now. Krad disappeared to wherever when Niwa first saw him.

After class I follow Niwa out. The red-head looks nervous and jittery. He notices me immediately, unusual for him. Niwa waits for me by the gate. With this many students milling about, I cannot speak with him.

He doesn't greet me. He simply steps beside me and we walk together like a well choreographed movie. We have some sort of understanding between us. We both ignore Saehara, the Harada twins, and the sensei as we leave.

The day is warm. Spring has set in early and no one seems to mind. We walk towards my apartment without having to state it. Just as we approach the door Niwa stops.

"Hi- Hiwatari-kun" He starts, always saying my name the same way. "I saw him." He looks so nervous that he might stumble and fall. To prevent the inevitable I push him against the wall. He flushes even brighter as I lean in and stare directly into his red-hazel eyes. I want no misunderstandings and no one to hear us. I am so close I smell his faint C K One®.

"Who?" I keep my voice soft and low. This is the closest I allow myself to get to what I want. Niwa underneath me, flush, panting, squirming, saying my name oh-so-softly, in that hesitant alto.

_Hi- Hiwatari... Hiwa-tari... Hi--_ Krad whispers in my mind.

Whatever Niwa was going to say is lost to me. I wrench myself away, face burning with shame. I take a moment to slam my shields into place. I am ice, I hiss at Krad. I am a frozen pond in the deadly stillness of winter, vacant of heat as the Arctic planes. Krad's face is frozen blue, staring up in surpirse. I can barely make out his face beneath the smokey, two-foot thick crystal.

"Hiwatari-kun!" Niwa's grabs my shoulder. His warmth invades me, melting my ice, melting my protection.

I knock his hand away, muttering, "It's nothing." I take another breath and turn to his confused face. Of course he is confused. How could he not be? "Who?" I repeat myself. Must keep on subject.

He looks up at me, frightened again. "Krad."

Figures. "When?"

"Class. Krad was I saw…" Niwa sits on the small concrete bench, hugging one knee to his chest. "He-" Niwa looks at me oddly. "He was doing something to you."

Arousing me, oh, yes, he's good at that.

"How can he be real? I thought" The red-head trails off, thinking.

Note to self: Niwa is psychic sensitive and completely uneducated about his current situation. If I explain it to him, Dark may get another foot hold. But if Niwa helps perhaps together we could figure a way to separate our other halves from ourselves. "Do you have any books on mysticism?"

"Magic?" He looks at me oddly, slowly shaking his head, but then suddenly, he stops, face slack in shock. "Yes. We do." He stares at me with a sudden sense of purpose and understanding.

I wait for him to elaborate, but he never does. Instead he shoots up and dashes off towards his home. I stand outside my building feeling strangely cold. I stand there a moment longer, wondering, then walk up to my apartment.

My residence is empty. The lights are off, even in full day my quarters are dark. No one greets me at the door. The fax machine is the only noise. I drop my bag by my bed. It is unkempt and I straighten the blanket absently. I pull my homework from my bag and drop the papers on my now pristine bed. I look up at the dim white walls.

_"Alone again, Satoshi-sama?"_ I hear Krad in my head and behind me.

I ignore the blonde and walk through his after-image into the kitchen. I'm never alone, I have you. I pull an instant ramen soup cup from my cupboards and set the water to boil. A bowl and spoon are sit in the sink, awaiting my attention. I ignore them as well. With the light from my gas stove illuminating the barren white walls reminds me that Krad broke through my shields.

_"You are getting lax"_ He comments, strolling over to me, as if he has not a care in the world. _"Is it that Niwa boy? Is he what's on your mind? What about Dark? I thought you lived only for **him**, Satoshi-sama"_ He smiles at me like Serpent must have smiled at Eve.

True, I think, refusing to answer him aloud. Like ghosts, if you ignore them, they lose power; they become less real.

_"Tell me, my dear Satoshi-sama"_ Krad leans against the wall, _"Do you think **I** will be subject to such pathetic conventions of power? I am a Demon Lord. Don't you think the rules are different for us Hikari?"_

I pause a moment, for he as admitted something interesting. Until now, my origins were always suspect. My brain leaps to conclusions that would need more evidence, but very little. I release a glare at him that could wither forests. Your cruelty knows no bounds.

_"Our cruelty." _He corrects me.

I am not you, I remind him.

_"Not yet."_ He smiles again. _"Has this Saehara given you another ingenious plan that will fail?"_

I shrug meaninglessly and dismiss Krad. I sit on my bed and check my notepad. Three pages of homework? A small sigh escapes my lips. I dig out a pen and get to work. Halfway through I stop to prepare my dinner. I let the ramen cool and set as I finish the last of my work.

I finally pay attention to the piles of paper under my fax. I silently eat my dinner and review Saehara's new plan. As with all the others, I know it will fail. But something about this new piece of art, bothers me. It is familiar to me, but I do not know why. The-

The doorbell rings.

I jerk my head up, surprised. Who? I wonder as I leave my empty bowl on the floor with the papers. Upon opening the door, a slight red-head collapses against me, gulping for air.

Niwa? I pull him inside and shut the door. His legs give out completely and I carry him to my bed. His pallid face draws tight in pain. Tear tracks run down his face. Then I notice the blood. The liquid fades into the red sweater he had changed into. Is he-? I divest him of his clothes and check him over.

With a sigh a relief, I know that none of the blood is his. I throw his clothing in the wash immediately and clean my hands. Niwa tucked in bed, rests quietly. I take a moment and glance out my door, wondering if he left a trail. I go all the way down the stairs and out the front door. No blood graces the premise anywhere and another wave of relief hits me.

I return to Niwa's side. I let down my shields and look him over with my Second sight. His aura quivers on the verge of depletion. I wonder at this a moment before a flash erupts from his body. I cover my eyes, falling backwards.

Dark stands before me, smirking. He stands on my bed, not at all embarrassed to be dressed in only a pair of blood-splattered boxers. "Hmph." He looks around. "Just as empty as your heart, creepy boy."

"What happened?" I ask, for once not leaping on him. "Why was Niwa-kun covered in blood and drained of power?" I force myself to stand, though my legs do not wish to support me.

"Dai-chan wanted so badly to be rid of Krad, he tried a Binding." Dark crosses his arms and glares at me for all he's worth.

My jaw drops of its own volition, that I can assure you. "He WHAT?" I check my shields and find my own binding on Krad doubled. I don't remember when after I started my homework he disappeared, I thought he just...

The line of power attached to the spell leads to Niwa. It seeps away his life. Shit. I cast about my apartment for the switch.

Inside my coat closet, a sliding panel hides the Hikari's collection of tomes. When Edo burned, there had not been enough time to save everything. The collection had shrunk by six times its original size. I can only wish that there be an appropriate spell in what's left.

Dark's eyes watch me with intense interest.

As I rack my brain for the memory of something that might help, I hear a strangled cry. I find Niwa on the floor, hugging himself. The red-head chokes out another sob and I do not know what to do.

"Hi- Hiwatari-kun" He whispers my name.

"Stop it." I tell him. "Stop feeding the Binding power. Let it go." I know he's a bit emotional, but I didn't think he could be this stupid. A binding? Don't tell me the Niwa family not only trains ninja, but mystics as well?

The image of his mother flashes through my head. _'Stay away from my son!'_

Impossi-! She _knows_? Of course she knows. She's a Niwa. I could see it in her eyes. So not only does Niwa have ninja resources, but mystic ones to... to... To nearly get himself killed with. They obviously didn't train him. Which means I've got to fix this.

"Listen, Niwa-kun." I drop to my knees in front of him and take his shoulders. "I need you to listen and follow my instructions, can you do that?" I shake him until he looks up at me.

His eyes have lost their shine to them. He looks incoherent. Slowly Niwa blinks and nods to me.

"The Binding you did. Picture Krad in your mind. Picture him as he is now, wrapped in chains and rope, gagged, and incapacitated." Oh, please don't let me be wrong. Oh, please don't let me be wrong. Oh, _please_ don't let me be wrong. Please, Gods, let him be incapacitated. It would be just like him to literally drain the life out of Niwa. "Can you see him?"

Niwa slumps against me.

"NIWA!" I shake him roughly this time.

"Eh? Wha- A-ouch, Hiwatari-kun" He rubs his eyes sleepily. "Wa-wait..." He looks around, embarrassed.

"Niwa-kun. Stay awake." I demand of him. For a moment recognition flits through his eyes and he nods, much more awake now.

"Krad." He nods.

"Bound. You bound him in chains of blood. Picture him." I take his face with both my hands. "You are with him. And so am I." I see Krad in my mind's eye, on the floor of a dark abyss. I can see him clearly, but there is no source of light. He lies awake on the floor, but there is no ground. We walk towards him, but there is nothing beneath us, around us, behind us, or inbetween us. The chains glint at me jealously. Though Niwa is untrained, he has created a Binding much stronger than mine could be for at least another three Circles. But then, it nearly cost him his life.

Niwa looks at me curiously.

"You have the key." I tell him. "You must unlock the chains and take yours back before he drains you completely."

Niwa nods to me absently and stumbles forward. I walk with him, keeping one arm out to him, incase.

Krad's ice eyes stare at me, pleased.

I want to smile back at him. I know what he has planned. I know what will happen. And I know how to prevent it. I start muttering my own incantation softly. The power crepts up my spine and center itself just behind my eyes. My ki has always centered itself in my head. I used to wonder why; then I graduated college.

I walk around behind Krad. I hesitate for a moment, knowing what I must do, then kneel down behind him.

Niwa has the lock in one hand and the Key of Shadows in the other.

I blink at the little silver talisman and am left to wonder at Niwa's resources again. Before Niwa can place the key in the lock I wrap my arms around Krad.

Luminous red eyes stare at me oddly. I nod for him to do it as Krad starts thrashing against my hold.

What Niwa has done gave me an idea. One that I hadn't considered before. Perhaps it isn't a good idea, but it is something to try. Or perhaps I should say, something Krad has done.

As Niwa turns the key, I whisper my intent into Krad's ear. Niwa can't hear me, he doesn't know, but Krad stiffens in fear.

"You wouldn't-" He gasps.

I do not answer him. I simply finish my spell and release him.

The chains clatter.

Krad does not move. He stares, wide-eyed at me and Niwa, then collapses to the ground. Niwa disappears from my mind. I stay a moment longer, looking at the other half of my soul and feel nothing. I am ice.

I wake and Niwa sleeps soundly on my lap. More he collapsed and landed there, but I can hold him, should I choose. For some unknown reason, I do not want to. I stare down at Niwa, shocked at myself. I feel nothing. I am ice.

I sense Krad in the back of my mind. He is asleep, exhausted, amused, and irritated, but alive. If you could call him that. Now now he's just a snack.

I dress Niwa in a spare set of my clothing. Something that will fit him. He is almost my size, so it isn't very hard. I wrap him in a blanket and carry him out into the night. He is no longer dangerously light.

I take him home. The cab driver looks at me strangely, but I do not care. I pay him and tell him to leave.

The Niwa home is large. I would expect as much.

The mother answers the door. She looks at me and scowls. Taking Niwa from my arms she attempts to shut the door with her foot. I catch it easily.

"We must talk." I tell her and shove the door open. "We must talk now."

She backs away, fear alive on her face. "Fa-Father!" She calls. "FATHER!" She screams, hugging Niwa to her chest.

And elderly man walks out from behind her, grumbling. "What is it..." He looks at me and frowns deeply. "Empty Heart." I hear him say under his breath.

Empty heart. Yes. My heart is empty. I am ice. "Niwa-kun attempted a blood binding that nearly killed him." I state, stepping inside. Through my other senses I feel where the traps and training mechanisms are hidden in the walls. I avoid them easily and walk in without their invitation.

The old man holds up a hand and glares at me, his power surrounding him.

This one has fangs I muse.

"I will kill you." He says.

"I don't think you could." I tell him. "How unfortunate for you." I turn to the mother and watching the sleeping boy in her arms. A great emptiness resonates in my body. "He will have a headache when he wakes up. And be slightly dehydrated. Rather like a hangover." I send my power through the house, searching for what Niwa used to cast the binding with.

There. Hidden in the back corner of somewhere to the north east end of the house. His power circle out back, with the animal he killed to work the spell. "Fool," I mutter and shake my head. "If Niwa-kun wants to cast spells, train him, will you? I will not always be there to save him and now..." And now, I think, I wouldn't bother. "Good night."

I turn presumptuously and walk away. I shut the door behind me and walk into the night. The air feels warm, but I know it must be around 3ºC.

_"A full three degrees above you."_ I hear beside me.

"I knew that wouldn't keep you down for long." I say. Krad's after image looks weaker. Niwa, I knew, wouldn't dare atempt to feed Krad bad energy to poison him, and as the link to this world for him, Krad wouldn't do the same to me. That doesn't mean he won't feed me pieces of his soul, no, I have to rip out those. I wonder if perahps, Krad and I are the same on more levels than makes me comfortable. I let the wind brush back the hair from my face and with it, I let go my worries.

We walk together back to my apartment in silence. It does not feel threatening, uncomfortable, or strained. We know. Nothing left for us but to wait and we are both very patient.

The lights are on in my apartment. I remember turning them off; distinctly. Inside I feel my adoptive parent pacing nervously. I open the door, knowing it would be unlocked, and face him.

Upon seeing me his face grows deathly pale.

"What?" I breathe out.

He shakes in fear, fumbling for something. Ah, that's right. Mother told him when I came into my power it will be a terrible and awesome thing. I scare him. I'd be amused, if I cared what Hiwatari ever thought of me.

"You'll never catch Dark without me." I tell him. "Especially not now." He doesn't care, I can see it in him.

_"You should kill him first, Satoshi-sama."_ Krad whispers to me.

My mouth quirks in an attempt to smile. I walk up to Hiwatari and take the gun from his shaking hands. Then I smile at him softly. His hands are so hot they burn. He attempts to speak, but I hush him. Placing his gun back in its holster I push him out the door. "Next time Dark sends notice, I am the only one going to stop him, do you understand?"

I can see it in his face as he nods. I am the monster he fears at night. I am the enemy he has no hope in protecting the public from: a methodical, cold-hearted, ruthless killer. My mouth smiles at him again and I close the door.

I turn off the lights and fall into bed. Sleep comes quickly, easily, and I dream of winter.

Finished

Key of Shadows: I stole this cute lil' idea from Crystal...? It was in another author's and I like it and took it without permission. bows m( )m I'm sorry. It was a blanket fic written by Lady Crysiana. Ye Olde Fashioned Blanket Fic. It's very good, go read it.

All reviews will be welcome, I'll even read the flames, though I prefer comments and constructive criticism.


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